Your question: I'm 16 and have arousal problems

I basically have what seems like the world's most embarrassing problem in the bedroom. I haven't been with this guy long, and I really really like him; he's what I would have considered out of my league beforehand. I'm having a few arousal problems: no matter how much I want to have sex with him, my body just won't co-operate, and it usually leaves me feeling inadequate. We've only managed to have sex twice, maybe three times. The first time I was really tired, so he let me sleep and the second time we were drunk, making a fair bit of noise and were paranoid about his parents downstairs.

I've done some research and I don't think it's something physically wrong with me, more mentally. Could my lack of arousal come from a recentish trauma with a complete and utter shitbag who led me on for more or less two years? My sex drive was really high before, and I've had sex since but only two or three times.

I've considered going to the doctor about it - problem number 2 arises - I'm only 16, and I'm sure arousal problems aren't the sort of thing people my age go and see the doctor about. Any ideas on how to regain my drive? I really don't want to have to keep on relying on intoxicants for this!

Love, Anonymous Me xxx

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Char says...

relationship advice Oh honey, I can tell you what you need right away - Time!

Yup, father time can help us into and out of most sexual & emotional mishaps and with a little further guidance from mother nature, your inner self and of course, your new boyf, you will soon be able to enjoy the fruits of your sexuality! Hurrah!

Having had experience of shitheads, I would say your sex drive can almost always be swayed by your past lovers, not to mention the time of the month, where you are, your surroundings, the way you feel at any given time, the weather, what's on TV, debt... the list goes on!

Do you still have a little 'Girl's Special Time'? That's always a good idea to see whether your sex drive is still up there or not!

Personally I think that you need to relax, get to know this guy and learn how to be comfortable with him. You mentioned that you think he is 'out of your league'? Well sometimes if you're with someone you don't feel equal to in looks, you can clam up and sex can become a bit autonomous until you develop that natural intimacy and trust that couples gain with one another.

Nerves, issues of trust and praying for him not to become a shit bag... is it any wonder your cooch is dryer than a sahara desert?

Try some seductive teasing throughout the day - naughty emails, texts and post it notes in his pencil case back of his ipod, whatever it is he uses, use them as tools to lead on to something more exciting, turning you both on throughout the day...oooo aaah!

Oh and fuck the doctor, no matter what age you are I wouldn't say they would be any use... doubt the stiffs deviate from the good ol' missionary anyway... but maybe that's just my surgery ;-)

Good luck chicken xx

Ashley says...

relationship advice Dear Troubled One,

That's not the world's most embarassing problem in the bedroom. The world's most embarassing problem in the bedroom would be if your body responded to the removal of clothing with an immediate and uncontrollable slackening of the bowels. Look, you're a teenager and it's unlikely that you're going to be with this guy for a long time, so don't destroy yourself to make his one-eyed-monster happy. It's not a mental "problem," just some stuff you might want to sort out with the help of a therapist if you've already tried to relax and pleasure yourself but it's still not working. Yes, go see a doctor. Your GP's not going to be weirded out by someone who's been sexually active for years saying that they're not feeling it anymore. You're physically and sexually mature at 16, just not mentally mature. It's not like you're going in there as a 10-year-old complaining of this problem. Get some therapy if you want it, get some erotica and figure out how to make yourself happy.

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