My boyfriend goes limp before sex. Is being limp before sex normal?
Dear Mookychick,
My boyfriend and I are completely besotted with each other. We can talk about things like grown-ups or tickle each other silly like kids. We are nausiatingly perfect for each other. We have alot of really, really great sex - but herein lies our problem. Recently we have been making out and getting really hot for each other, but when it comes to the act of penetration, he goes limp.
We can laugh it off and he can make me come perfectly well by other means, but its nothing like the shared and completely mutual sex we have. I tell him it's OK and I love him and his silly member, but the other night I had to leave the room i was so upset; which made me feel like a terrible person. I had a good sob and went back to him for a hug. It makes me feel bad that I get so annoyed when we dont have sex, because there is so much more to our relationship.
So many irrational thoughts are racing through my head! I'm so confused, I really need some Mooky advice! xx
Help!
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Char says...
There are medical reasons that this is happening - but I think this is a classic case of 'stage fright'. He's clearly hot for you and all that jazz but the actual physical act - whoah! Well, he goes deflated. That's because he's worried about his performance.
It's a hard one (scuse the pun) because sex is generally easier for us than it is for the boys. Granted, only a skilled lover brings us to orgasm on a regular basis, as scores of women accross the Universe complain in unison that the man pops his winky in, shuffles about a bit, comes, then falls asleep.
So how is it easier for us I hear you say? Because we just have to lie there for our first time. Girls don't perform sexual acrobatics on the big V night, and boys don't expect you to (their little willies would probably retract into their guts if that happened. Despite their addiction to porn they know that secretaries don't drop to their knees in offices up and down the country of a night. Boys have to worry about their length, girth, making you come and not coming in the first nano second. A lot to contend with, huh?
During a boy's first time he'll have issues with multi tasking. His instinct is to get his end away, but his relationship puts other demands upon you... so what do you do?
A few things...
Talking helps, though not actually about it as that will just make it happen even more. If you ask him questions about his todger then you're going to make it an issue and an
issue is an issue is an issue... boys don't like issues. The issue will be present each time you get naked and that makes it an even bigger (or smaller and floppier) issue. So stay away from that.
It has been known that two glasses of wine give you the right amount of sexual feelings to feel horny and still be able to come, but not so drunk that none of the above happens, or that you do it without affection and understanding of what's going on... perhaps a bit of dutch courage is in order?
Sneak the sex up on him. Wear joggers, casuals, get a couple of beers in, watch a film... begin to touch him slowly, without him realising what's going on... ease him into sex without actually saying 'I want us to have sex'. Engineer a situation in that it happens naturally without having to actually arrange the deed.
Failing that, straddle him when he's blindfolded and don't give him the option of deflating, but for your first time, it may not be the best idea. The focus should be on chilling out... it will happen ,I promise you that!
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