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Your question: Defending myself from groping
"Dear Mookychick,
I have a problem and i really need some mookychick advice...
Just yesterday I encountered the kind of unfair treatment that infuriates mookychicks accross the globe... Stuff that happens simply because you are what you are; female.
I was walking through the town where I live with a small group of my friends and we were followed by three boys... Now these boys had a reputation for being, well... scum, and so I walked behind everyone to prevent any trouble occuring between them and the two guys with us as I figured I could because, although not the nicest lot, they certainly wouldn't hit a girl.
One of the boys groped me as I walked.
I was completely shocked.
I spun around as the boy pulled away. I approched him furiously... my hands forming tight fists and tears of fury building in my eyes.
None of my friends had noticed what he'd done as I was walking behind so as I yelled at them, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" they simply assumed I was tired of the boys following us.
I walked towards him ready to scream in his face, punch, kick, bite, scratch anything to defend myself, make myself feel less vunerable and humiliated but as I got closer he backed away quickly... like a coward.
My hands are shaking slightly as I type this...
He would not fight me. I am usually a pacifist... I don't like fighting but what could I do?
Let this sexist behaviour happen?
Not defend myself?
I wanted to cry from the anger but also the over-whelming sense of injustice I felt...like nothing I'd ever felt in my life. I just kept thinking that if I was a boy they would not have done this.
If my boyfriend had been there, it would not have happened... I wouldn't have been victimised like this.
The act itself is not what makes my hands tremble with anger now, but the fact that it happened because I'm a girl.
To make it clear; I was not dressed provocatively, no mini-skirt, no flirting or even an exchange of words.Not that either of those circumstances would excused this incident.
I don't know what to do. What can I do? Is there anything? I want revenge... a sense that some kind of justice has been done...had I got my hands on those boys there and then I would have had justice, I would have gotten even but they fled like the cowards they obviously are.
They made me feel helpless because of my gender. I am not helpless...I am a Mookychick, a Riot Grrl!
But Mookychicks...please. What can I do?
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Ashley says...
You should have grabbed his hair, pulled, and kicked him square in the
balls. Don't ever be afraid to defend yourself.
Magda says...
You stress that you're a capable independent girl but it seems that at the time of writing your letter you felt you'd been made small by the experience, victimised and lacking in control.
Don't feel like this! You did retaliate! You gave that guy an absolute earful, you scared seven different kinds of shit out of him and yelled right in his face. You probably embarrassed him in front of his friends. You took control (even if it didn't feel like it) and you got your revenge then and there. The proof is in the pudding - as you walked towards him, he backed away. He didn't have to do that. He was more aggro than you, probably taller and stronger than you, but he backed away. You'd potentially shamed him and scared him, even, but what you mainly did was put him in a situation where he didn't want to play the 'let's grope a girl' game any more.
By the way, no-one in their right minds would think you brought that situation on yourself. No matter what you wore. A bloke groping you in the street is out of order, full stop.
I used to do loads of martial arts but essentially I'm non-confrontational (as much out of fear as out of philosophy) so subjectively I'd never advocate someone getting into a fight. My advice is usually - if you don't think words will work, walk away. And either plan a cold, cold revenge or try to assimilate the experience so that the way you think about it doesn't damage you. So if a guy groped you I'd say check out the situation and who he is and how he seems to you before you start landing kicks square in his treasure chest. Usually a guy only does that kind of thing out of peer pressure, to look good in front of his mates - he'd never do it alone unless he was a nutter.
But in this instance - a good yell did the trick. You nailed him! Your justice is that he took those steps back, and that counts for everything. Well done!
xx
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