I like dirty sex but he thinks I'm filthy...
Dear Mookychick,
I recently started seeing this guy I met at a friend's party and he is just gorgeous. He did a double take the first time he laid eyes on me and instantly introduced himself. By the time we were on the dance floor it was as if no one else existed. we were dancing and making out... it was just us and the music. To make a long story short he made me so hot that I took him back to mine and he didn't leave till 6 pm the next day.
We've done 2 more stints like that since the first time and I absolutely loved it. He told me that he initially thought I was a sweet innocent lady (I have that look apparently) but I am dirty in bed (probably because I ask him to smack me, speak dirty to me and tie me up). Now I hear off a friend that he said I'm filthy (in a good way apparently) but I still feel a bit put out. Is that all he thinks? I want him to really get to know me and like me for me... not just nympho sex.
I know it sounds weird, but that's just what I'm like in bed. and I know it may have been a lot for so short a time but I hadn't been getting any for a while...
He is an amazing lover but now I feel I should have waited a while. I actually like him a lot and want to take it further but I am afraid I may have scared him off. Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can I make him mine and have 'filthy' sex with him as well?? Should I try to lay off the rough sex? Lay off sex altogether (for the time being) and do more culturally stimulating things and actually get him to really know me better? Or do I sod it all and f*ck him dry until I'm bored? Is a relationship even worth it??
Please help me...
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Ashley says...
Classic madonna/whore complex. The good news is, you know what you
like and are comfortable expressing it. The bad news is, you've seemed
to have picked some random guy who's not interested or enthusiastic as
you are. The ugly? You didn't say anything about whether you're going
about this safely at all. Shacking up with a guy, exchanging body
fluids and, depending on how dirty you get, possibly blood, is not
copacetic.
Chill out for a while, go get yourself tested, and wait for
someone you don't set a timer on for him to "bore" you. There are
squillions of guys who want a girl who's cool with her own sexuality
and exciting. Eventually, you'll find one.
Debs says...
Hmmmm. Do you see him as anything other than a sex object? Throughout your letter, you talk about how hot he was and how he made you feel horny. You talked about how much time you spent dancing and making out. And, of course, how much good sex you had. With no inhibitions, which is really, really good. Well done.
But throughout the whole thing, you gave us no clue as to the personality of the guy, except that he talks to one of your friends. And about stuff that could be quite personal, depending on how close your friends are. You've given us nothing about the type of guy he is, what he likes to do, other than dance and have sex. Sweetie, its only a physical relationship.
You say yourself, you haven't had sex for a while, so I'm guessing you haven't been in a relationship for a while either. Which means you're just looking now to get the things you didn't realise you were missing. And you think this guy is the one who can do that, because it's easy and convenient if he can. But it's not what you're looking for from him, you really are just into him because of the sex and how he makes you feel physically.
Enjoy it, keep it going for as long as it's still good. But this guy isn't your soul mate.
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