Your question: Mormon relationship

Dear Mookychick,

Please help with some sex advice as I have a sneezing fetish. I am a college student, engaged to my bf of 4 years. I have an unusual (and harmless) sexual fetish for cute guys sneezing (yes, that's a real fetish. And more common than you might think!) which I have shared with my boyfriend, and we enjoy including it in our sex life. (Just to point out, the fetish is not the problem. We're completely comfortable with it, and I love having it, it makes everyday life so much more fun and makes sex feel amazing.)

The problem is that I want to bring it in every time we have sex because it makes the feeling better for me, but I worry that I'm losing the ability to get turned on without it.

As in, through the past couple of months when we start getting it on I decide in my head to not involve it, but my resolve has never held yet.

Is this normal? And can I get more into "normal" sex again, before I'm unable to? I worry my bf will think it's only the fetish I enjoy in sex, and that him on his own is not enough, which is not the case. I feel like I've become desensitised by it, so normal sex doesn't seem very good in comaprison to fetish-enhanced sex because that's so intense.

Please help!

Love, Anonymous Me xxx

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Ashley says...

relationship advice You've found what you're into, what works for you. That's great! Many people never explore anything beyond "normal" sexual practices because they think that should be enough.

That's true for some, but others are into other things - there are people who enjoy certain positions, certain words, certain pieces of apparel. For you, it's sneezing. Some people need total silence. Some people need a cushion under their butts. You need a shaker of pepper. Embrace it and consider yourself lucky that you've found your tic.

And here's a tissue. You'll need it.

Debs says...

relationship advice A fetish, any fetish, will heighten the way you feel during sex. So that, by comparison, sex without that fetish will seem tame. It doesn't mean you can't enjoy it, it just means you can't enjoy it as much. A bit like a cappuccino without the coconut syrup.

A fetish only becomes a problem when it becomes bigger than the sex. Whilst it compliments the sex and makes it more exciting, then it's ok, but when it becomes more about the fetish than the sex, you need to stop and think about what it is you are doing. Now, you say your boyfriend is fine with this and that's a good thing. If he hasn't voiced any concerns regarding this, then there's not really a problem. But you're worrying about it, which means that it is taking over your sex life, or you using this as a mask for another problem.

I don't know how you use the fetish in your sex life, but you might want to try thinking about the fetish whilst having sex, rather than using it physically. A lot more of sex is in the mind than you would believe. If you can keep it in your head, then you can have 'normal' sex. Try limiting its use, rewarding yourself with it at key moments when you having sex. Try to divorce the physical part of the fetish from the orgasm, use it as an aid to foreplay rather than a spectacular finish.

But at the end of the day, if your boyfriend shares the fetish and is happy to indulge you and you are going to be married to him, perhaps you should just enjoy yourself?

Char says...

relationship advice Well they do say that every sneeze is a tenth of an orgasm, so it's no wonder you get your jollies from partaking in this behaviour...

I take it (from what I've read on the subject) that sneezing at the crucial moment is beneficial for you both (bodies contort, ladyparts tighten around boyfriend's willy making things rather interesting indeed).

You'd be right to worry about the sneezing fetish if you can't get sex pleasure in any other way - but it sounds like you can, so I wouldn't worry too much.

The thing is, even different sex positions are more exciting or as dullard as the next, and variety is what keeps things interesting - as well as an appreciation that not every sex fetish or position will be as pleasurable as the last - or perhaps not as intense as your sneezing'shagging soiree, but that doesnt mean to say you can't take your pleasure from it in another way, so to speak.

What I'm getting at is having the mindset to remember that, yes, that style of sex is the favourite for you at the moment, and perhaps for ever more, isn't a cause for fretting because every other position you try will be nice and fun and pleasurable - but in a different way. Don't block yourself off to the fun of normal (per se) sex with your man... find a way to make the effort into getting what you want in different ways and enjoy yourself!

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