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How to come of age

Growing up is hard to do. A tidal wave of angst, embarrassment and unrequited love often leave you locked in your room wailing to Sinead O'Connor. But if you've ever seen a coming-of-age classic like 'The Breakfast Club' you'll know that life doesn't have to be like that. And with 5 easy steps, you too can experience a coming of age that is passionate, eventful and Oscar-nominated...

Rebel!

To begin your journey towards enlightenment you must first go off the rails. Dye your hair green. Run away from home. Phone up your parents and find out what their wishes are. Then deliberately go against all of them. Drink, steal, be a hunt saboteur, start fox hunting, find a rebellious niche and really go with it. Later on you may well feel it was all just youthful stupidity, but you can't learn from your mistakes until you start making some.

However you express your rebellion, it should be something the 'old you' never would have done. No-one ever came of age watching television.

Dabble in drugs

If you want to come of age you have, you HAVE to experiment with drugs. Don't worry - it's all very simple. You'll be offered them by your friend Jerome/Darren/Adam, who's a really bad influence. At first you'll be hesitant, but Jerome/Darren/Adam's the persuasive type, and soon enough you'll be snorting crack pills and munching horse tranquiliser with the best of them.

There is, however, a limit. You'll probably won't have more than a few spliffs or a few hits of something before your 'drug phase' comes to an end. Unless the drugs sit well with you - and you never know, they might - you'll come out the other side realising that drugs don't make you cool; they just make you see things.

All you need is love

Don't start playing the power ballads just yet; there are very specific rules to falling in love whilst coming of age. Firstly, you can't be stunningly beautiful. If you've got it going on looks-wise, forget it. It's the job of the good-looker to be the bitch.

Secondly, you've got to set your sights on the hottest guy in town. The gorgeous one that's never even noticed you.

Thirdly, he's got to be a bit of a twat, and even though he does give you a brief taste of the good stuff, it's not the fairytale romance you envisioned.

However, all is not lost...

Fourthly, you've got to have a more realistic alternative. The loveable geek, the life-long friend, the step-brother you've never seen in that way before. Sure, he's no oil painting, but he's nice, kind, and he'll console you when hunk-bastard hurts your feelings. Then, bang! Second-choice Steve makes a move when you're at your lowest, and you suddenly realise he's the guy you should have been with along. You opt for brains over beauty, how very grown-up of you.

Break-up then make-up

As a great philosopher once sang 'Life is a rollercoaster', and nowhere is it more prevalent than while you're coming of age. One minute you're best buds, the next minute your lifelong friend has wound you up and you're beyond furious. This is good, this is healthy. Argue as much as is humanly possible, it's the most dramatic way to resolve things. And, remember, if he's a true friend, (and he is), you'll soon be back together.

In fact, why not speed your reconciliation along with a car crash? There's nothing quite like sharing a near-death situation to bring out a forgiving side.

Who Am I? Oh, right...

Coming of age is all about identity. At the start you're a nobody, a gibbering wreck, a lost sheep. By the end you've become one of the greatest creatures to ever walk the earth, when actually you've hardly changed at all. All you had to do was realise that you were fine how you were. If only you could have realised that in the first place - it would have been a lot easier.

It's now time to take the new-old-you out into the world, and stand up against those bullies that picked on you before you were confident and enlightened.

After all, sticks and stones may break your bones, but at least you'll feel good about yourself when you're lying in intensive care.

To see more ways of how to come-of-age, check out Persepolis which is coming of age on DVD and Blu-ray 18th August.

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